How Francis Weller & Yoga Influenced My Grief Journey…

When my father died alone in lock down in an elder care home in the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic, The Wild Edge of Sorrow by world renowned grief specialist, Francis Weller, kept popping up. By the third mention of his book and course within a couple of weeks by dear friends, I became interested. As they say, all good things come in three’s right?

What deeply resonated with me about Francis’ approach to grief is how it relates to my own Vedic (yogic) culture and tradition. Communal gathering, ritual, ceremony, food, prayer, song, practice – is all a part of what he prescribes for any form of grief, whether it is death loss or not. And that’s exactly how my people gather following loss. I also deeply appreciate that one of his main teachers is a very wise Indigenous man named Malidoma Patrice Somé from Burkina Faso, West Africa.

Friendship & Taking Refuge

In a time when I felt deeply isolated grieving alone in lock down following my father’s isolated death – Francis’ words and approach to grief made me feel less alone. I took solace and refuge in his words, his insights, his prescriptions for the heart and soul, including engaging ritual and practice in my home at the time. I felt like I had a friend in lock down who understood me, as a result of him speaking so candidly about what an isolated culture we live in, in general. And when experiencing loss, how that becomes magnified exponentially.

He highlights the importance of reaching out to community, developing a daily practice to stand on in order to support the grief journey, as well as gathering in circle to share our stories. That by being witnessed in our grief, is in fact where some of the deepest healing takes place. This has definitely been reflected in my own losses. He doesn’t deny grief or push it down, like so much of western culture does because we have no easily accessible support structures in place. 

An Apprenticeship With Sorrow

Rather, he welcomes it as an Apprenticeship with Sorrow. That in fact, there is a tender aliveness to be experienced in our grief, and if we let got into it, it will eventually lift us into our next becoming. (And some day, down the road of life, we might even provide a space of support to others, through the wisdom of our own experience.) Slow and steady, breath by breath.

I went on to take Francis’s “Apprenticeship with Sorrow” course.

In this course, Francis Weller highlights his Five Gates of Grief:

1. Everything we love we will lose. This includes not only the experiencing of the loss that is inevitable in life and things, including the death of others – but also our own inevitable death.

2. The places that have not known love. This includes the areas of our life that we have denied, dismissed, or not embraced. “These are the places within us that have been wrapped in shame and banished to the furthest shores of our lives.”

3. The sorrows of the world. We resonate with the sorrows around us – including the sorrow invoked by human activities like climate change, war, famine, genocide, etc.

4. What we expected and did not receive. An unexpressed grief for what has been lost with our world’s ‘progress’, including being encouraged and welcomed to know, develop and share our gifts. As well as easily accessible intentional spaces to receive the gifts of the village.

5. Ancestral grief. This is the grief that we carry in our bodies from sorrows experienced by our ancestors, and can include slavery, genocide, Residential Schools – and other forms of colonization, etc.

Healing in Sacred Space

Paired with Francis Weller’s work, the yogic practices of my own Indian culture that include mantra, yantra, mudra, and ritual – align powerfully to go deeper into healing. My people have been chanting mantra and facilitating and participating in ritual and ceremony for 10,000 years. I grew up as a small child engaged in these practices, and observe and truly feel the value of them in my life. Especially during the most challenging times of all.

To share my story, shed tears, pray, engage the elements, speak to the ancestors, commune with the spirits, and revere the Divine Source/Cosmic force. This is a sacred space where I can find solace, reflection, connection, and guidance through my journey of loss. I feel it is what is deeply needed in order to reconfigure our grief illiterate culture and society. Not because we as people are ignorant, but because our culture and society does not easily recognize and support grief healing.

To be truly witnessed in our grief and have it lovingly acknowledged is powerful medicine amid our grief journey.

Everyone has grief, but society is “skilled” at armouring up and/or numbing out to avoid the genuine and transformative experience of loss and letting go. The truth is that grief is a full-body, visceral experience that is beyond the mind’s comprehension. One cannot think their way through grief: you have to feel your way through. It requires safe, loving attention in order to acknowledge it, embody it – and integrate it.

Tending the Heart: A Day of Yoga, Reflection & Ceremony to Honour & Integrate Loss

This retreat is for anyone who has experienced loss in any form. This safe, sacred space invites us to disarm, and show up in support for ourselves, and by doing this, we also show up for each other. 

Come take a load off and tend your heart on Saturday, April 22 on tranquil Salt Spring Island, BC.

FOR FULL DETAILS + REGISTRATION CLICK HERE.

P.S. Our Special Early Bird Rate Ends This Saturday, April 8.

Please contact me with any questions.